Let us roast your PDP.
Paste a product page URL. We run the full PDP audit, then hand you the brutally honest version: what is costing you the sale, ranked by impact, with the exact fix for each. No diplomacy, all signal.
How it works
A real audit, ranked and roasted.
We fetch the page server-side as an anonymous shopper, run the same eight-point audit behind our PDP audit tool, then reorder the failures by impact. The fixes that move conversion and AI-citation rate the most land at the top. The roast is the deterministic core; with an AI key it gets sharper, never less grounded.
What this tool does not do.
It fetches one page, once, as an anonymous visitor. It cannot see anything that needs a session, a logged-in state, a specific geography, or JavaScript that renders after first paint. The roast is a starting point with attitude, not a full CRO teardown.
FAQ
Is the roast just for laughs?+
No. The verdict and the priority order are derived from a real 8-point PDP audit (review schema, UGC near the buy box, Product schema completeness, video, Open Graph, canonical, mobile viewport, LCP hint). Every "fix" line names the exact thing to change. The tone is blunt; the content is actionable.
Does it need an AI key?+
No. The prioritised fix list and the headline verdict are deterministic, built from the audit signals, and always shown. If the deployment has an ANTHROPIC_API_KEY set, you also get a sharper AI-written roast grounded only in those same signals. Without the key, you still get the full deterministic roast.
Can the AI make things up?+
No. The AI is instructed to use only the audit signals and never invent numbers, reviews, prices or features. If the AI call fails for any reason, the tool silently falls back to the deterministic roast.
How is this different from the PDP audit?+
The PDP audit gives you a neutral pass/fail scorecard. Roast my PDP runs the same audit, then reorders the failures by impact and writes them up as a prioritised, no-punches-pulled fix list, so you know what to do first, not just what is wrong.
Want the fixes done, not just listed?
Idukki pulls your real reviews and UGC onto the PDP, emits the structured data Google and AI engines need, and adds shoppable video, the exact gaps this roast keeps finding. The roast is the free starting point.
